Miss Granger And The Trouble She Causes Me
by AbsoluteNutters
Summary: I am NOT going to go out with 'Mione! Even if we ARE Head Boy and Head Girl... Even if the tradition of Hogwarts is for the two Heads to date... RR! I promised you'd get a chapter within the week... Here it is! [As complete as it will ever be.]
1. The Most Unfortunate Ron Weasley

Hey! In case you haven't heard, this story is the horrific creation of two like-minded souls, intent on getting Ron and Hermione together!

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We, Ginny-Star and Hermione Double (from now on, will be known as AbsoluteNutters), solemnly swear to inflict any sort of embarrassment on Ronald Weasley-for his own good-to attract the attention of Hermione Granger, thus resulting in the future couple- Mrs Hermione and Mr Ronald Weasley!

Ginny-Star- Huh. Well, that was odd.

Hermione Double- Obviously. Its you.

Ginny-Star- Hey!

The Dreaded Disclaimer: As much as we want to pretend, Harry Potter does not belong to us. Ron however (j/k ^-^).

****

The Most Unfortunate Ron Weasley

At the end of our sixth year

'You sure you can't break away from the Dursleys a little earlier, Harry?'

Harry shook his head gloomily. I felt dead sorry for him, staying with Muggles that resemble the back end of a Blast Ended Skrewt- or front-end or- whatever. Ugly whatever it is.

'No. Dumbledore's insisting that this time, I stay put for the first month of the summer.'

Hermione looked at Harry sympathetically.

'Don't worry Harry, we'll send you owls and everything. And no Ron,' before I could suggest my brilliant idea, 'We can't afford to go and visit Harry again. Remember what happened last year?'

I winced. I'm sure I've still got the outline of the saucepan etched onto my arm somewhere. I clapped my arm on Harry's shoulder.

'All right then, we'll see ya in a month then?' 

'Bye Harry. Hope you can join us soon,' Hermione smiled whilst she gave him a hug. A hug?!?

Since when was she a "huggy" person?!? Why don't I get a hug when I get attacked by Fred or George with their Flying Dungbombs?!? Oh hell, I could feel my ears going red.

__

Not good. Definitely not good. Giving the back of Hermione's hair a scowl, I muttered a short goodbye to Harry before wheeling round to walk through the barrier...

__

BANG!

Oh, just my bloody luck! I just l**ove** _walking into trolleys and luggage!_

'Oh my God! Ron, are you okay? Are you hurt?' as Hermione's worried face swam into view. 

Maybe bashing into a trolley isn't so bad………..

*********************************************************************************************

'Oi! Ron!'

'Huh? Wha'?'

'RON!' Oh, its Fred.

'WHAT?' I bellow back.

'MUM WANTS YOU TO DEGNOME THE GARDEN AGAIN!' Oh the bloody gnomes and their stupid obsession with the flower bed.

Groaning, I shuffled downstairs into the garden, where George was grinning like an idiot. Wait a minute, there aren't any gnomes! Only Fred and George who were staring at me with the _I-know-something-you-don't_ look.

'Ok, what it this time? You nick mums Lockhart book and set it on fire? Lost dads elektric plug collection?'

This isn't going well. They kept glancing at each other and sniggering. They're plotting something against me, I just know it. Last time they did this, they set fire to my hair. _Not_ fun.

'Tut tut.' Smirked George. 

'Little Ronnykins. Where did all the time go?' asked Fred.

This had me stumped. What are they trying to do? Scare me into giving them my broom? They're not getting their hands on my broom!

'To think,' Fred sighed, 'To think that our own brother would keep something so important from us.'

Huh?

Fred's eyes are twinkling somewhat mischievously. I don't like this!

'Ronald Weasley, we hereby sentence you to total and utter embarrassment for this most heinous crime.'

Has some dead Minister taken over my brothers body?

They're leaning dangerously close to me.

'You have a crush on someone.'

What the-?

'Fred, George, what are you on about? I don't fancy anyone!' They don't seem to believe me. Damn. I've never been a great liar.

'Ron,' George sighed 'We have many, many sources still in Hogwarts. And our sources all seem to point to one very, _very_ obvious conclusion.'

Here, Fred conjured a plastic garden chair and motioned for me to sit down.

'You see,' he continued, 'We have been getting reports of a certain Weasley who has been unusually jealous of a _Bulgarian_ Quidditch player. Jealous, because the said Quidditch player is-well, was- going out with………. _Hermione Granger_.'

Hold on- are they implying what I think they are? That I think of 'Mione in……… _that way?_

'Oh, God no! Fred, George, you've got this totally wrong, we're not-'

'Fred! George! Ginny! Ron! Hermione! Breakfast is ready!'

Oh, trust my mum to pick the moment that I need to correct my brothers on a very wrong accusation.

Giving it up for a lost cause (Fred had given me a wink when mum said "Hermione"), I trudge inside and plonked down onto my chair. 

TWOOO!

I looked up, and just managed to see Errol soar through the window (if you can call it soaring- he is so decrepit nowadays, it's more sort of falling through the air,) and land in the jug of milk. Mum grabbed Errol, and hands the letters to Hermione, Ginny and me. I open mine, and gave a yelp as another badge fell out of the envelope. The badge was emblazoned with the words _Head Boy._

Hell no. 

Hermione screamed as she opens hers- the Head Girl badge was in her hands.

She basically fell on me, (yay) almost crying with happiness. Crap, my ears are going red again. Hell, I think Fred's noticed.

There's nothing between the two of us, yet, I can't help but think, though- there was an unspoken tradition at Hogwarts for the Head boy and Girl to date.

Fred and George are so gonna die.

***************************************************************************************** 

Ginny-Star- Yay! Our first co-written chapter!

Hermione Double- And d'you wonder if that'll mean double reviews?

Ginny-Star- Let's hope so.

You heard us! Inspiration comes in the form of reviews don't 'cha know!

Press that lovely coloured button. Go on. *pulls out cute little teddy* or the bear gets it! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!

Yours, Lataz!

Hermione Double Ginny-Star (^-^)/


	2. Twin Trouble

Hermione Double: Hi again 

Ginny-Star: Hi people!

Hermione Double: You seriously want to read our story?

Ginny-Star: You know what HD, I think they do!

Hermione Double: Bloody Hell, are you insane?

Ginny-Star: Be nice, HD. 

Hermione Double: Sowwy. Did you kill the teddy, Ginny-Star?

Ginny-Star: Not yet……………but if these people don't review………….!

Hermione Double: DO IT FOR THE TEDDY!!!!!!!!!!!

We are upset, as we don't own Harry Potter. No, we're not. We're just upset that we don't own Ron! *hides picture of him behind backs* *innocent looks all round* nothing here, nope!

****

Twin Trouble

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She looks well pretty.

Her hair- it's really shiny and glossy. What the-?!? 

That's her date? VIKTOR KRUM?!?

She-I-but-how-that son of a- evil-take advantage-no good Bulgarian molesterer!

I can't believe she's going out with him!

Jealousy coursed through me until I couldn't see anything but red. I turned to Padma.

'Come on, let's go.'

****

I don't care about Hermione Granger.

The scene changed, as she began telling me to be brave and something in my Quidditch match, and she kissed me on the cheek.

I touched the point where her lips had been, a warm fuzzy feeling settling in my stomach.

****

I don't care about Hermione Granger.

I don't!

I jerked awake, and I began to dwell on the dream I had just had. 

__

I do not care about Hermione Granger.

Well, ok, maybe I do. But I mean, she's my best friend, is it not in my rights to care about her? I mean, hell, I've known her for like, six or seven years or something, of course I care about her! 

But the question is- is there anything more? Do I _want_ anything more?

I……….well………okay……._I wouldn't mind_. 

Actually, I sometimes really wishthere was more. I mean, she can be soooooooooo annoying some times- and we- what was that word Hermione used a while ago? - oh yeah, we _clash_ _. _She's not really _that_ annoying. She can just be a bit too clever, and thick as I am, I don't know what the hell she's talking about half the time. But I suppose the fact she's read almost every book in the library has come in useful at times. 

I know I am forever taking the Mick, but I don't it intentionally, it's 'cause she's so fit. She really is fit, you know? She's got all this dark hair (brunettes turn me on, you know,) (a/n: "Brunettes RULE" Hermione Double "ARRRGHHH! What about black haired ppl?" Ginny-Star) really pretty eyes and not to mention a nice arse.

Anyway, I rose from my bed, got changed and tried to make my hair not so sticky-uppy. Then we went to breakfast, and I got the perfect seat at the table, directly opposite _her_.

My plan was to go in and act cool, you know, so she might like me or something. However, a rather large hurdle stood in my way, in the form of my mother. 

'And here's our ickle Head Boy! Did you sleep well?' Shut up, _shut up, _SHUT UP! Wow, I can see that magnificent plan of mine, soaring out the open window to it's tragic death.

'Fine thanks, Mum.' 

'Oh yes the new _Head Boy……..'_ sang Fred.

'And the new _Head Girl…..' _added George, those infamous glints of mischief glinting in their eyes. I sensed the danger signs and would have given anything to be swallowed by Norbert at this point.

'OOOOOOHHHHH, Ronnikins……..look- I got Head Girl,' said Fred, doing a very bad job of imitating Hermione's voice.

'OOOOOOOOHHHHH, really Hermione? I got Head Girl too- oops, I mean Head Boy,' replied Fred, who was now pretending to be me.

George ran and hugged Fred, saying ' Wow, we can all be nerds together!' I COULD HAVE KILLED THEM.

'Yeah,' replied George, in a very high voice, 'let's snog!'

'SHUT UP!!!!' I yelled. They were so annoying when they wanted to be. Actually, no, they achieved that even when they _didn't_ want to.

'Ok, ok, little bro, we were going to stop anyway- I don't want a whole mouthful of Fr's saliva just now,' said Fred.

'What's wrong with my saliva?' asked George, sounding hurt.

'Nowt, it's just that I'd prefer not to get into a lip-lock with my twin brother over breakfast.' said Fred, 'I mean, according to Angelina you're a great snog,'

'She really said that?' asked George, sounding amazed.

'That's enough boys,' said Mum, as Hermione, Ginny and I howled with laughter. 

Hermione Double: You haven't reviewed yet? Think of the teddy! Oh won't somebody PUR-LEASE think of the teddy?

Ginny-Star: *clutches poor teddy in hand* Only reviews will save him now!!!

Lataz Yours,

Ginny-Star Hermione-Double


	3. Correspondance

Ginny-Star snoozes, clutching teddy (seems like she's rather attached to it now) and snores gently.

Hermione Double cracks up laughing at sight and pokes Ginny-Star in stomach.

Ginny-Star: Huh? Wha? *sees audience laughing at her and 'Teddy'* Ah! Um, er, review or the teddy gets it!

Hermione Double: Yeah… sure it will…

Ginny-Star: Yes! It will… um… will get… ah… 

(Dr Pepper music plays in background) 

Ginny-Star: Do you think we will get punished if we didn't announce to the world that **we don't own Harry Potter**? And what of our plans to kidnap Ron? Would we get sued?

Hermione Double: I don't think so. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? 

(Lawyer-type people wielding large, weapony things appear from an expensive jet and chase after AbsoluteNutters)

Both: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A/N: We have noticed how several reviewers have asked about the chapter lengths and the slow developing relationship between Ron and 'Mio. Well, muses are only so generous and there are places where an ending to the chapter just seems to fit nicely. And the relationship… well, Ron _has _gone through five years (according to the actual Harry Potter books) being sweetly dense and completely oblivious to Hermione, so what's a few chapters going to do? It's like James and Lily, not going out till seventh year! After all, a story where it's just- "Ron, I've just decided. I LOVE YOU!" "Oh, I've just decided too! I LOVE YOU AS WELL!" *long passionate smooch that ends up censored*- is not as interesting as a long, drawn out (but not too much) story. Well, we're through rambling, and you can read the chapter now!

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Correspondence

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Monday 20th July

Harry,

Help! I'm going to tell you something which you can't tell anyone. At all. I know that right now, you must be raising an eyebrow or something equally 'don't be a prat Ron, you know I won't tell' but this is serious!

Firstly, me and Hermione got Head Boy and Girl, and you know about that tradition… the one where the Head Boy and Girl have to… you know, end up going out with each other? Well, I've been thinking, about the whole tradition thing, and it's just that, do YOU_ think that it will happen this time? I mean, me and 'Mione, we're just friends of sorts yeah? _

I bet you're laughing at me now aren't you? Ron and Hermione_, you'll be thinking, _that's just stupid that is_. But like, she _is _kinda nice looking yeah? And her nose is, like, y'know, cute and small and dead centre and all. I don't think that I fancy her. I think. I don't know. D'you think she likes me? Not that I care or anything. But I want to know what she thinks of me and all._

She doesn't think I'm stupid, does she? Like, a git or anything does she? Cause that's like comparing me to Vicky_, and that's just an insult, even if it was directed to someone like Crabbe! Well, not really. I mean-_

Hmm...

Should I be telling Harry this? What if it gives him a heart attack? I mean, Hermione and me? It's the most unexpected thing that could happen, right up there with something like Ginny and Dean Thomas, or Hermione and Viktor Krum.

God. Why anyone would want to even be friends with Krum (even if he _is_ loaded, famous and a brilliant Quidditch player) is beyond me. He's just there to have his wicked way with her, is all.

__

Why did 'Mione write to him so often? It's not like she's known him for years, and years. I bet that under the 'nice guy' routine, there is a… a… _cad_ waiting for a chance to jump Hermione when she's all alone and defenceless! 

I've known Hermione for ages now, and we've been through so much together, and witnessed the most embarrassing things about each other, it seems right that we could be… y'know.

Anyway.

After that awful display of my feelings at the breakfast table, I really didn't feel very hungry, so I came up and sneaked into Fred's room to find out if there was anything I could trash to get my own back. 

There wasn't. All my efforts avoiding Georges 'bucket over the door to punish intruders' wasted. So I came back to my room, and that's where I still am, writing a letter to Harry.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Better not be George… or Fred for that matter…

"Ron? Are you in there?" Crap, it's Hermione! Where can I put the letter? ARGH! 

Hastily, I jammed the piece of parchment into Pigs pouch and literally chucked him out of the window, just in time as well, as Hermione opened the door.

"Er… hi. What d'you want?" Oh yeah Ron, that sort of remark is _definitely_ going to make her want to go out with you. Mental note to self: when Hermione leaves, kick yourself. Hard.

"I just wanted to know if you were all right. You just looked a bit, well, _red_ when you left the table. If it was anything that… that Fred and George said, just, um, ignore them. They were talking nonsense anyway."

If this was meant to cheer me up, it failed miserably. Nonsense? So she doesn't like me? She doesn't… y'know, want to… well… snog? Oh God, I did not just say that. Well, think that. Well…

Crap. Is it me, or do I have some sort of mental deficiency that means my ears must go red whenever I happen to think of something that is well… Hey! I am a growing boy y'know! With hormones and everything! (mental deficiency? Since when did I learn to say that? Hermione must be rubbing off on me. No! Not in that way! Must think of something off-putting… uh… uh…Spiders. In my soup. That I'd just taken a spoonful of.)

"Er, well yeah, alright. Is there anything you wanted to talk about?" What am I _doing_? I should get her out of here and just wallow in self pity and bemoan the fact that Hermione will never think of me in THAT way… Not that I think of her like that either!

"Oh… well, um, no, not really. I should go." Oh, that was a brush off, if any, the most depressing brush off EVER. 

But you know what happened next? She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

…

I could get used to that. 

*** 

Ginny-Star: Hee Hee, the poor duck's in denial!

Hermione Double: He sure is… so, where's the teddy?

Ginny-Star: I dunno. I put it on the table… I think.

*teddy looms behind and, using a wand, binds Ginny-Star and Hermione Double and starts to drag them away*

Both: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Save us!

Teddy: Only reviews can save them now!

Ginny-Star: That was my line!

Hermione Double: We're being kidnapped, and THAT'S all you can say? HELP!!!

Yours, Lataz!

Hermione Double, Ginny-Star (^-^)/


	4. Thick Vik

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The first party (Teddy) has agreed to stop using any kinds of magic against the second party (Hermione Double and Ginny-Star) on the grounds that more reviews are given and that a Brilliant Elves Are Resourceful (B.E.A.R) group is started with the first party as the manager. Failure to comply with these conditions will result in a major disappearance of the second party. We have reason to believe that the first party is in the employment of a Mrs Hermione G Weasley.

Ginny-Star- *Gulp* Well… you can see for yourselves what Mr. Teddy wants.

Hermione Double- Yeah. Please! Save us from a lifetime of slavery and trimming bear-ear fur!

Both- *shudder*

Disclaimer- The day we own Harry Potter is the day we also turn into Veela and capture the attention of some certain lads… yum. (It means we don't own it)

****

Thick Vik

It's been two days, 6 hours and 46 minutes since Hermione kissed me. God, I am really pathetic. I'm sad, counting the bloody time since she kissed- she kissed _me_. 

Oh, it's 47 minutes now.

Pig's just come in through my window! I think… yeah, he's got Harrys reply! Maybe Harry's got a plan to help me…

WHAT THE---?!?

__

Tuesday 21st July

Ron, 

You can be really dense sometimes. Pretty much the whole school knows that you fancy Hermione! It's not exactly a closely guarded secret! I'll bet anything that Dumbledore fixed it up so that you'll go out with her… let's face it, you and 'Mione are pretty much the gossip of Hogwarts. 

Don't worry, I'm sure Hermione will see past your annoyances and freckles (joke).

See you in three weeks,

Harry.

P.S. Tell George to change the date from 6th August to the 18th. Tell him I think it's gonna take longer.

What's he on about?!? That's it, he must have gone crazy watching to Dudley scoff cakes till he gets sick and bloated like he's gonna give birth to a nest of flobberworms!

And being the gossip of Hogwarts… HA! Funny, Harry, really funny. And I DO NOT fancy Hermione! I mean, she's fit and all… but I don't fancy her. Nope. 

Anyway.

Feeling bloody miserable, I headed downstairs to the kitchen when I suddenly heard a potentially blackmail-worthy conversation taking place. I stood outside out of sight as the voices of Hermione and Ginny drifted by. 

"Well, what about when you want to pretend that you don't like him? When you don't want him to know that you…?" Oh? So Hermione likes someone? For no apparent reason, I can feel a sudden rush of jealousy run through me.

"It's just a simple thing of being more chatty and seeming like you don't think of him anything other than a friend. Like, going out with another lad. Harry thinks that I've grown more confident, because I've stopped doing embarrassing things. Thing is, I read that boys like confident girls and I noticed that I hardly get any attention from him, unless I'm in some life threatening danger of sorts." _What the hell?_ I know Ginny can talk alot, but this was first time I've heard something so… clever from her.

"Hmm… well I don't think subtle changes of personality will work on him. He's just so… erm…"

"Dense?" HA! She fancies someone dense! Wonder who it is? I'd probably wouldn't like him anyway.

"Yeah! It's like, he doesn't believe me when I say- and I say it a lot- that there's nothing going on between me and Viktor." Funny. There is _everything_ going on between her and Viktor. Stupid bushy-eye-browed git. I can be good at playing Quidditch too, y'know. 

Well, I've established that Ginny fancies Harry again, and Hermione has the hots for someone below her 'smart' standard. Enough to blackmail them? More then enough! I think I'll make my presence known.

"Ahem." Result! Hermione looks like she just failed all her NEWTS, and Ginny… uh-oh.

I've awoken the sleeping beast.

"RON!!!" Ow ow ow ow ow! I've never understood why females have such a high pitched voice!

"Ginny! You've just about deafened me!"

"Good!" 

"Alright, alright, no need to wake the bloody sleeping dead just 'cause I know who you fancy!" Ginny fixed me with one of her famous 'One More Word And I'll Get Mum On Your Back' glare.

They're never good.

And with that, Ginny flounced out of the room, managing to look down at me even though I'm taller. Odd, but really really scary. I swear, it's like having a mini version of mum round.

And that just leaves me and 'Mione in the kitchen.

"So…" I said as I lowered myself into the now vacated (what the bloody hell is with these words?!?) chair. Hermione looks decidedly uncomfortable, which was what I was after. 

"What do you want Ron?" she mumbled, with the slightest hint of irritation. Ah, was I getting on her nerves? I wonder… not. I _always_ get on her nerves.

I decided to out and say it.

"So who's this fella you can't get your hands on then? The one you're trying to pretend you don't fancy?" Hermione looks at me with a mixture of horror and… I dunno, surprise at me.

"Erm, well, I don't know what you're talking about!" I smirk and lean closer. 

"Who is it? Is it someone I know?" 

__

If it is, I'll kill them. 

Whoa, where did that come from? I'm not a particularly violent person (unless it's Malfoy of course. He's just a bloody pain.) I shake my head to clear it of weird thought and feelings and try to focus on the embarrassment of Hermione.

"Ron, don't be stupid! Now go away, I want to write some letters to some people."

For some reason when she said that, something in me just snapped. 

"Writing to Lover-Boy then?"

"_Lover-Boy?"_

"Vicky."

"Well, yes I am. And don't call him Lover-Boy or Vicky- you know I hate it." 

Well DUH! That's the point! Honestly- and she supposed to be _clever_. Oh what am I on about? Of course she's clever. And fit. Nope, I did not just say that. Hermione may be nice looking when she can be bothered, but it's not like that. I mean, I don't fancy her or anything. Honestly.

"Honestly 'Mione- I think he'd prefer that name. He obviously fancies the pants off you."

Hermione glares angrily at me.

"Ron, if you're going to be like this, I'm just going to leave," she said huffily.

"Go ahead- why not go to Bulgaria and bunk up with Thick Vik then?"

That did it.

"How dare you! I _do not_ fancy him- how many times do I have to tell you?"

"You can tell me a million times- I still won't believe you."

"Fine!" she screamed, and ran out of the room, leaving me and the light scent of perfume (or something) hanging in the air. 

And to think I have Vicky's stupid autograph hung up in my room!

There's a time for muggle scissors, and I think it's now.

*** 

Ginny-Star- Please forgive us for not updating for so long! We just could find our muses!

Hermione Double1- Yeah! It's been the summer holidays and we've been kind of busy.

Ginny-Star- *ducks all rotten food thrown* Hey! We said we were sorry! Anyway, if you must blame someone, blame Ted-- *Hermione Double1 covers Ginny-Stars mouth*

Hermione Double1- Shh! He finds out we've been badmouthing him, he'll feed us to the hammerhead sharks he has in his room.

Ginny-Star-… He has sharks?

Yours, Lataz!

Hermione Double1, Ginny-Star (^-^)/


	5. Skizzorymajigs, Bets and the Spiders fro...

HermioneDouble1: Hey again, people!

Ginny-Star: Yo Ho!

Hermione Double1: More apologies for our lack of updating!

Ginny-Star: Yeah, we've been hiding out at the pictures to escape the Teddy.

Hermione Double1: Yeah, and that's got nothing to do with the fact Pirates of the Caribbean's been on, has it Ginny?

Ginny-Star: Nope, nothing at all. Mind you, that film absolutely bloody rocks!

Hermione Double1: (Somewhat dreamily) So does Orlando Bloom…………

Ginny-Star: And, unfortunately, we don't own Harry Potter (or Ron Weasley, for that matter,) because if we did, we would have bought our own private cinema and watched Pirates of the Caribbean and Harry Potter on alternate days. Over and over and over and over… Pirates of the Caribbean is, without a doubt, my all time favourite film for ever and ever!

Hermione Double1: "For ever and ever". Yeah right.

****

Skizzorymajigs, Bets and the Spiders from Hell

YAY!!

__

Ouch.

Well, cutting up this stupid scrap of parchment with an idiot's scribble on is amazingly fun, but it does kind of hurt. And my bleeding hand isn't the only problem. What am I going to do about Hermione? She hasn't spoken to me since the 'Argument'. 

I've taken sanctuary in my room; and Hermione in Ginny's. Therefore, it has been quite difficult for us to kiss and make up. (Yeah. I wish. No, actually, I don't. I don't wish anything of the sort. And I certainly DON'T fancy Hermione!)

But I DO I think it is time for action. You know, I'm feeling quite assertive! (I learnt that off Hermione) I'm off to Ginny's room, and when I'm, back, I'm going to have made up with Hermione. No, seriously! 

BANG.

'AAARGGGGHHHHH! RON GET OUT OF THIS ROOM BEFORE I CURSE YOU INTO OBLIVION, YOU STUPID, STUPID GIT!'

Okay, maybe not.

Oh. My. God. Oh, um, not happening. That was kind of….er….. thick of me. I should have knocked. _Hermione's getting changed. _

Oops.

'IT IS COMMON COURTESY FOR A PERSON TO _KNOCK_ BEFORE THEY ENTER A ROOM, RON!'

I quite agree with her, you know? I am, always have been, and always will be, a stupid, stupid git_. (but a very, very sweet one! HD_) Although, later it is probable the memory of this Incident may be fixed alongside Draco Malfoy: the amazing, bouncing ferret. 

Taking my leave of her room, I close the door faster than a galloping gargoyle. 

Well, this is awkward! What should I say? Uh… well, perhaps something that doesn't involve the words 'I saw you getting changed! Yay!' Er, no. No. I've never even _dreamt_ of seeing Hermione anything other than fully clothed. _Honestly_!

'Uh sorry, Hermione.' Silence answers me. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all…

'It's okay, I suppose.' she says finally, opening the door, fully clothed with her whole face redder than Filch's nose. "What d'you want?"

' I….' I suppose I should apologise. 'Hermione, um, I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean what I said about Krum.' Yeah, right.

'Yes you did, but it doesn't matter I _suppose_. Are you going to come in?' 

This is more than I was bargaining for. I want to make a quick escape and wallow in my stupidity in the safety of my room. Oh hell, I suppose I'll have to go in.

I think my hair is a bit too neat. After examining the effects in the mirror, I've perfected this kind of _flick_ of the head, and my hair kind of becomes windswept and looks dead cool. Oh, Hermione's seen my hand that I sliced into ribbons with those idiot skizzory things before.

'What did you do to your hand?' she asked, grabbing my fingers. _Hermione's holding my hand! _Nurrghh…..

'Eer, I- I was experimenting with those crappy skizzorymajigs or whatever they're called..'

'Skizzorymajigs? Do you mean _scissors?' _she laughed.

'They're the ones.'

She's laughing again.It seems the whole Me-Seeing-Her-Without-A-Top-On Incident seems to have faded from her memory, thankfully. Not mine though. Ha, ha, ha! I still can't believe it! I saw _Hermione Granger_ topless! (Well, she did have the duvet she hastily grabbed from Ginny's bed as I burst in on her covering her…… er…… yes, _covering her, _so she wasn't _really _topless. But still………)

'I thought you hated "All That Muggle Crap"?'

'I do, but sometimes it is necessary to use things one is not exactly comfortable with to achieve one's ghoul,' I said, in my world-famous snobby Lets-Take-The-Mick-Of-Hermione-Voice.

'Oh, ha, ha. And if you really were as clever as you sounded, then you would be aware the word is _goal_, not _ghoul_.'

'I guess I'm _not _as clever as I sound then.'

'I was only kidding. You are clever.' Then she snogged me, and said that she loved me. 

Okay, so that bit was a lie. She never snogged me, and she certainly never said that she loved me. Of course she didn't! She didn't even say I was clever!

Well, that was a bit weird. I mean, I don't even want to go out with her, so why did I…… _fantasise_ about her saying she loved me? Or do I want to go out with her? Of course I don't. Okay, like I said before, I wouldn't mind. But do I love her? Nope. No chance……

'Ron, are you okay?'

'Eh? Oh, yeah, why?'

'You just looked….a bit_ out of it_, for a second.'

'I was just thinking.'

'That's a first.'

'Oh, very funny, Hermione.' Am I going insane? OF COURSE I DON'T LOVE HER!!!!

'Wasn't it?'

'You think you're just so clev- ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

__

'Ron! What is it?

'Sp-sp- legs! Loadsalegs! Get it-thefu-ARGH!!!!!!'

'Honestly Ron, its just a spider!'

'It's all hairy- and leggy- and URGH!! It's _massive_!'

'Ron, it's okay, it isn't going to hurt you! Have you got a glass and a bit of parchment?'

'I'll go and get some- urgh!' I said, with a last look at the most disgusting thing ever to grace this planet.

Well, _that _was embarrassing.

And then enters the two people that actually _inspired_ this fear. Fred and George. 

'Hey, Ronniekins- have you heard anything from Harry lately?' said Fred.

'Yeah, I got a letter from him the other day- something about changing the dates. The 18th or something. Why do you want to know, anyway?'

'Oh…. Nothing. Hey, was Ginny being attacked or something before?'

'No…..I…. erm, I saw a spider.'

'Oh, and there we were thinking it was Malfoy or someone escaped from Azkaban after Ginny!' 

'That's not funny.'

'Ah, well, you're just as bad as Percy. I mean, you don't even find your nose funny when you look in the mirror!'

Ha ha. I mean, who were they to make fun of me? They were still on mum's bad books last time I heard. I don't imagine that their ears will ever feel the same again.

Still, it was funny watching them being yelled at.

My thoughts turn back to the spider incident, and I can actually _feel_ the heat emitting from mine.

Damn.

*** 

Ginny-Star: Here, do any of you people have an idea to escape the Teddy? Maybe you have a femme fatale you could set up? Or just cheese to scare him away?!?

Hermione Double1: Yeah, we're feeling rather revolutionary right now!

Both: We need to escape! Help! (Constructive reviews on our fic would be nice! No flames, they will be used to light a fire to cook pasta).

Yours, Lataz!

Hermione Double1, Ginny-Star (^-^)/

Ginny Star: PS. We are now 15! Isn't that weird?

Hermione Double1: Yep. September rocks- loadsa prezzies! Hey, maybe we can put our birthday money together and hire a hit man to assassinate a certain young Teddy I know. DUN DUN DUUUUUN.


	6. Things That Go Bump In The Night Part 1

This is only me, Ginny-Star, and I want you to go to Hermione Double1 account, find her email address and pelt her with mail. Yes, positively attack her with mail- no flames though. Just beg, whine, plead, cry and threaten to shoot. 

You see, Hermione Double1 no longer has enthusiasm for this story. And I would like to see it finished nicely. I do happen to have about one half of a chapter ready, but the other half was meant to be done by her. If I can manage it around my homework, I'll try to get it all done by myself.

I warn you, there will be many things lacking, our conversation in particular. And Teddy is. erm, let's say, we pushed him off a cliff by 'accident'.

The fact that a shark was at the bottom had nothing to do with us.

With a heavy heart,

Ginny-Star

Things That Go Bump In The Night

Right, well, it's been a hap hazardous month which has resulted in:

- Four cases of catching Hermione in embarrassing situations. (Thoughts shall never be thought of again. EVER.)

- Twenty seven cases of me losing my dignity (or what could resemble it, I don't have dignity, not with Fred and George around).

- Only one case of me managing to embarrass said twins (ah, Fred should have known better than to bring Angelina round. Baby photos are a great influence on relationships. Especially moving photos. Especially projectile vomiting photos.)

All in all, this is most probably, the worst summer I've had in a long time. Absolutely awful!

Still, Harry is meant to be coming over today, so things are looking up. This time, dad's left to pick him up on his own. I don't think he trust any of us to be 'civil to his family'.

Especially Ginny.

After she heard of the conditions that Harry was living in, Ginny had flown into quite a bloody big rage, and threatened to hex them all with a 'damn good Bat Bogey Hex!'

Of course, when mum heard Ginny say 'damn' (oh no! The world is coming to an end! Ginny just swore!), she sent practically screeched Ginny's ear off and then decided that she needn't have dessert. So I helped myself to her portion- it's not like she'd be eating it.

Hermione obviously didn't approve of my fondness for the double chocolate fudge cake.

Mmm. cake.

So I'm a man with an appetite, it's not a crime! Mum got up from the dining table and poked the speaking clock.

"It is now, 7.30pm. Children under seven. to bed!"

"We're not under seven, you nitwit of a clockwork chicken!" retorted George, saying what all of them were thinking.

"George! Don't talk like that! And chew your food before you swallow it, or it'll get stuck in your throat where it'll fester and rot until-"

"Alright, I get the picture mum!"

Harry snorted in his vegetable soup. I grinned. Funny, when Harry says of does something, he never gets in trouble. But when Fred, George or I do, we get well bollocked for it!

Glancing over at the still huffy Hermione, I decided to rouse her up a bit, just to lift the boredom. Let's try tactic number 7 in the book of 'Tactics That Will Result in the Anger of Hermione and the Appeasement of Ron' (thanks to Queen Bee: for the idea!) for the idea, go read her stories!), and try to rouse her up a bit!

Gently, I kick her foot lightly, trying to get her attention. No answer. Okay, let's just kick a little harder.

Andlookatthatshe'slookingtowardsme- ah, she was only asking for the salt. Damn.

Okay, let's try again.

And again.

Maybe harder.

Maybe harder!

"OW! Dammit Ron! Who are you trying to kick, for God's sake! If I have a bruise, I'm gonna give you such a hexing, you won't recognise your face when you look in the mirror, 'cause it'll break from looking at YOU!" Oops.

"Erm, soz Ginny, I wasn't aiming for you, I was aiming for-"

"DOES IT MATTER WHO YOU WERE AIMING FOR? YOU WERE KICKING PEOPLE UNDER THE TABLE- RONALD WEASLEY, I AM ASHAMED OF YOU! WHERE DO YOU GET THIS SORT OF MANNER FROM? CERTAINLY NOT-" Blah blah blah. Same old thing, same old speech, I don't need to listen to it. Mum's day isn't complete without yelling at least at five people.

Nodding and looking sorrowful I stared at my food. Maybe if I stare long enough, the cake will magically grow daisies.

* * *

SINCE HAS DECIDED THAT AUTHERNOTES ARE NOT ALLOWED, I'VE HAD TO POST HALF OF MY CHAPTER UP. WILL UPDATE OVER THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. 


	7. Much Apologies

Hey guys! Yes, I have appeared once again! Ahem, I bear good news! Hermione Double1 will not be doing anymore fanfictions on her account- as you may have gathered. But with endless egging, she will continue with this fic! If you click on our bio and hers, all the explanations will be there. But for you lazy buggers, I think we will put some stuff here!  
  
We decided to make a co written as it would be half the work, and double the fun. Now, school work and other stuff has distracted us from our creative writings, and for that, we do regret it. It's a bit of a shame, but we still plough on! WE WILL FINISH THIS!  
  
Now, Hermione Double1 and I swear down, we will finish this fic! We don't go around with unfinished stories- not our style. A few things- you may notice I upped the rating. That is only to be safe, rather than sorry. It has... regards to the next chapter. It is, erm, a bit more adult then our usual style, but take heed! We have said, this is a humour based fanfiction, and it is meant to be funny, not rude or anything. Besides, I don't think it's that bad! Rather funny actually...  
  
Here is a tidbit to whet your appetite, but it might change a bit.  
  
Things That Go Bump In The Night Part 2  
  
Nope, no daisies yet. Shame really, I could perhaps have picked them and given them to Hermione (ahem..)  
  
Great.  
  
Just bloody awesome great.  
  
Now Ginny's mad at me, and I'm sure she's got something up her sleeve. Plotting to reveal that I used to wet my bed or something. That is definitely NOT good.  
  
Ginny had that look again. The "I'm sooooo gonna embarrass you," look. God I HATE that look. Her lips began to part........  
  
'Come on, lets go upstairs,' said Harry. Thank god! She didn't have chance to take the piss of me in front of 'Mione!!  
  
We excused ourselves and ascended the stairs as fast as possible so as not to be put through the great act of teen-abuse: degnoming, or any other such chore that result in my great embarrassment caused by being pushed over after the re-massing of those stupid little sods. Jesus, that was embarrassing.  
  
*  
  
Well, I did say it was only a tidbit. Uploading the next chapter within a week, I swear!  
  
Ginny-Star 


	8. Things That Go Bump In The Night Part 2

Disclaimer- Look, if I owned the rights to Harry Potter, would I write here? Didn't think so. 

HermioneDouble1- Hello my friends. It is I, creeping back out of my retirement caused by the slave drivers otherwise known as teachers. I promised to finish this story, and I always keep my promises, so here I am. I must confess after my many years of being the ultimate Not-So-Much-Harry-More-Ron-Fan, I have lost enthusiasm for all things Potter (please don't shoot me!) Instead I have discovered some books called His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. READ THEM. Also, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. Anyway, on with this story.

Ginny-Star- Just so you know, I _have _tried to do the seventh chap on my own, but it got kinda lonely so I waited until I bugged HD1. It worked in the final buggering end.

HermioneDouble1- Oh shut up Ginny, you Lord of the Rings lover!

Ginny-Star- Shh! You might set _them _on me! *indicates reviewers*.

Hermione Double1- Mwahahahahaaa!!

Yours, Lataz!

HD1. G-S

****

Things That Go Bump In The Night Part 2

Nope, no daisies yet. Shame really, I could perhaps have picked them and given them to Hermione (ahem...) 

Great.

Just bloody awesome great. 

Now Ginny's mad at me, and I'm sure she's got something up her sleeve. Plotting to reveal that I used to wet my bed or something. That is definitely NOT good.

Ginny had that look again. The "I'm **_so_** gonna embarrass you," look. God I HATE that look. Her lips began to part…..

'Come on, let's go upstairs,' said Harry. Thank god! She didn't have chance to take the piss of me in front of 'Mione! Woooo!

Not that she hasn't before….. God, I hate her, I really do.

We excused ourselves and ascended the stairs as fast as possible so as not to be put through the great act of teen-abuse: degnoming, or any other such chore that result in my great embarrassment caused by being pushed over after the re-massing of those stupid little sods. Jesus, that was embarrassing. 

We creaked up the rickety stairs and reached my room. I know she's been in my room a million times before, but I'm still afraid she'll stumble across some of my dirty underwear or the like, so I entered first making sure there was no incriminating evidence which would cause embarrassment to me. 

Hermione and Harry entered straight after, and something caught my eye. One of my, err, rather _adult _magazines is lying on the floor, right next to Hermione's foot.

Bugger!!!

What the hell am I supposed to do? It doesn't look as if she's spotted it, thankfully, but the witch (wearing nothing but her pointy hat) is waving and winking at an oblivious Hermione.

'What d'you reckon, Ron?' Ahhh. That chest! (erm… I mean the porn stars, yeah…no, not Hermione's. Definitely not Hermione's.) Hold on…. what was she talking about?

'Huh?' Oh, great answer, Ron. Prat.

'About- OH MY GOD! PORN!! RON YOU SICK, _SICK_ CHILD!!!' 

__

How the hell do I get out of **this** one?!?

Harry's there smirking. Jesus, you could help, you stupid grinning idiot!

Hegh-bleurgh...nyeah!! 

My brain doesn't seem to be working!! Grr, why is it always _me_?

'Do you realize how disgusting that is Ronald Weasley? I can't believe you! I would maybe have expected it from Fred or George…..' She spat, an appalled look on her face

Finally, my brain's working.

'Hey, who said it was mine? Harry shares this room too, you know. It's definitely not mine!' GO ME! Shove blame on Harry, Hermione yells at him, I get away with it, I get the girl! 

Or not, whatever.

Harry looks like he's been hit over the head with his own broomstick. Mind you, a Firebolt is renowned for having a very well polished handle, makes the broom practically unbreakable!

'You bloody liar Ron!! It's not mine!' he yelled, after what seemed like a very long moment.

'ThenitmustbeFredandGeorge'stheyprobablyputitthereonpurposetoembarrassme!' Did she even understand that? Saying 15 odd words in 2 nanoseconds is quite difficult y'know.

'And why would they do that?' she said, her hands on her hips.

'God, you really don't know my brothers well, do you?'

Silence answered me. With a scowl on her face, (her pretty, pretty face….. ergh! Bad thoughts about my _best friend!_) she whirled around and left the room, slamming the door into place.

With a relieved sigh, I flung myself onto my bed and moaned. Now Hermione thinks I'm a sex crazed, hormonally charged boy!

Err….ok. Maybe she's right. Hey- maybe that's the reason I'm having all these deluded thoughts about her! I'm 16 and the nearest I've ever got to undoing someone's bra was Eloise Midgeon's in 2nd year and my wand did that for me. 

'Bloody girl thinks she know everything!' Harry laughed and sat down on the recently conjured second bed in the room.

'You know you love her really, Ron.' _What the hell_ How does Harry know- er, I mean, rudely assume that?!?

'What d'you mean, love her? I don't love Hermione! No way in hell would I ev-'

'Ron!' he cut in, 'It's just a saying! A phrase!' Oh. Well, I didn't know did I? I mean, he might have been serious, right?

'Yeah, yeah.'

Looking up, I could see that Harry had THAT look on his face. Yeah, the _I know something you don't know!_ look. 

'What?' I said, trying not to sound suspicious. 

'Y'know, isn't it kinda odd how you got so worked up about it? I mean, surely you must have realized I was only kidding!' Not good, not good, not good, not good.

'Night Harry.' With that, I turned the lights off and crawled under the covers of my bed.

I don't fancy Hermione. I really don't. Yeah, she's got a great arse, and she's pretty- in a sort of way. And she's clever, but doesn't that work against me? Anyway, she's with Thicky Viky now, so what does it matter? Bloody stupid git with big eyebrows and calling her Herm-O-Ninny or whatever. It's a bloody easy name to say! What does she see in him? Ugly prancing twa……

Anyway.

What time is it? Wonder if Harry is asleep yet or not…..

Oh, yes he is. I can hear his bloody snoring.

Well, I'm bored, awake and thirsty. Water! Water is good. Oh look, I'm babbling. Oh look! Now I'm talking to myself! Oh, I'm still doing it….

Not bothering to turn the light on, I went down the steps into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water, using only the light from the moon coming in through the window. 

Aren't I a clever boy!

Ouch… okay, so wandering around in the dark is maybe not such a good thing.

BAM! 

Well, there goes my water.

'Oh god, sorry!'

'Ron! You've got water all over me!' Oh, it was Hermione! What was she doing down here? And so I asked her.

'I was hoping to get a bit of fresh air, but I don't quite fancy going out in a wet nightie!' she snapped, wringing the water from her, er, night thingy. She looks quite pretty right about now!

'Well I said I was sorry!' 

'Sorry? SORRY?'

'Shh!!!' I put a hand on her mouth, glancing up at the ceiling, terrified.

'_Shut up_ for goodness sakes! You want everyone down here?' Apparently, it was 'Yes' from the way Hermione was looking at me.

Oh crap! Someone's coming down the stairs! 

Taking my hand away from her mouth (shame, really), I spun around. What do I do? Argh! 

Obviously, Hermione had a better idea- or so it seemed. She started going towards the stairs, but then (clumsy girl) slipped on the watery ground. Her hand flailed out and (yep, you guessed it) grabbed me and managed to pull me on top of her. Way hey! Or, it would be if it was any other time.

Time seemed to stop as I gazed into her warm, quizzical eyes, and a slight flush appeared on her cheeks. 

'What's going on here then?' Oh GOD! K It's Fr- no, Geor- no, ah, one or the other! Forge (we'll call him) leaned against the door frame and grinned broadly, curse him.

I hate him, I really do.

What do I do now???

***

Ginny-Star- There you go! A new chapter! Not very good, I'll admit, we're a bit rusty¡K

Hermione Double1- Yes, but here is chapter! Also, notice how it is a bit longer then what we usually write!

Ginny-Star- Yes! See! We are good! Please note, the 'porn' in this chapter was only intended to be funny, not to disgust anyone! Blame Hermione Double1!

Hermione Double1- No no, blame Scriv. (Scriv: a lad who likes to tell me, ahem, things he has seen on films. Particularly 13 erotic ghosts….apparently it would be a good comedy if not for all the rampant lesbian sex.).

Ginny-Star- Next chapter… sometime in the year! No, don't kill me!


	9. The Birds and the Bees

Disclaimer: I look forward to receiving Half Blood Prince as much as you guys.

Ginny-Star- An excuse? I don't have a good enough excuse to excuse my lousy updating.

Hermione Double1- Uh-huh.

**The Birds and the Bees**

****

'Well, well, well. Looks like Herm-o-ninny isn't as chaste as she makes herself to be!' crowed the evil, pompous annoying git.

'Nothing happened!' Oops. Now _that _didn't sound at all like we'd be fumbling about in the dark, did it? Ron you absolute, idiotic twat! Make yourself sound guilty why don't you?! 'Nothing happened, I swear!'

Sometimes, I really hate my mouth.

Sauntering into the kitchen, Forge stepped over our bodies and sat down with a satisfied sigh on one of the chairs. Coming to my senses, I scrambled up from a very red Hermione, and made a lunge for the stairs.

'Oh no you don't!' shrieked Hermione, making a grab for my ankle. 'You're not leaving me here with your crazy brother to fend for myself!' God that woman has absolutely no bloody problem about waking up the entire bloody family, does she?!

'Shut up! They'll wake up, they wake up!'

'Honestly, how can a Weasley get sleep around here?' sighed Forge. 'With this entire racket you make, I can hardly get enough beauty sleep! Oh, good morning Fred.' WHAT? Oh, this night just gets better and better, doesn't it? My other twin git has just come to play with us!

'Mornin' George.' Replied Satan's twin. 'Why is Hermione on the floor in a wet nightie with her hands cutting off the blood pressure around Ronnikin's ankle?'

'Fred, I think it's about time that we taught our little brother the ways of the world.' Eh?

'You mean-?'

'Yes. It's time we told Ron and Hermione about the birds and the bees. It will prevent them from making little Hons and Remiones before their time.'

Oh... no. NO! I do NOT need to know about the birds and the bees! I _know_ about all that! I don't need any graphic details from my brothers!!! Apparently, neither did Hermione. She was up like a shot, and began backing away slowly from the two manic ones.

'Erm... look Ron! It's, it's very late. I should be getting back to sleep.' Said a rather shrilly Hermione. I couldn't do anything but nod dumbly and begin shuffling my feet towards the stairs.

'It's nothing to be afraid of!' chirped George. 'It's all very normal!'

'I'm very tired, Gorge- I mean George, I don't think-'

'Don't be silly! It won't take long, please co-operate with us.'

'Seriously you two, I... really don't want to- oh God!' My eyes darted to where Hermione's were looking at. Fred had found a carrot and a cup.

A carrot.

And a cup.

Almost in unison, me and 'Mione (_Hermione, Her-mi-o-ne_ you great tit!) both tried to make a run for the stairs, but got caught in the back with a yell from George.

'Petrificus Totalus!' Crap! A feeling of dread washed over me. The two idiots levitated me and Hermione over to the sofas in the living room and sat us down opposite them. Please God, cut off my ears and throw them to the dogs, please, please, please...

'Now,' said Fred, in a smooth, low voice, 'it all starts when a man and a woman love each other ver-'

'No it doesn't!' cut in George, a 'How can you be so stupid' tone in his voice.

'Your right, it doesn't.' exclaimed the first idiot. 'It all starts when a man called... uh...'

'Reginald, and a woman called Harriet hate each others guts.' I could FEEL the embarrassment from Hermione. Those two EVIL plonkers! How could they put 'Mione through this? Isn't it bad enough they're scarring me for life?

'Yeah, that's right. They really don't like each other- or so they think. But one day, they realised that they loved each other very much.' No, shut up! Shut up! Stop it! I can't hear any more!

'And they got married. But y'see, the wedding night is a very important night.' Oh they can't be thinking what I think they are...

'Very important.' They are.

'It's the¡K ah, joining of two bodies.' DIE FRED! DIE! ROT IN HELL GEORGE!

Here, Fred held up the carrot and cup with an insane grin on his face. Oh bloody hell! I am going to KILL those two when I get out of this spell! KILL! But as it is, I just wish that I didn't have to live through this. Please, ground, swallow me now! Vol... Vol... _Volly_, kill me now!

It was going to be a long night.

_Next day..._

'Ron! This must be the first time I've ever seen you actually refuse seconds at breakfast!' said Dad, looking about the busy breakfast table, 'Not like you.' A snort of laughter came from down the table. Well, two snorts. Both the identical sort you expect pigs to grunt out, 'cause that's what they are. Mum's supersonic hearing zoned in on their giggles and her eyes narrowed at them. Whoo, go mum, go mum!

'What mischief have you two done to the poor lad?' she demanded, hands on hips. 'And why won't Hermione come down? I suspect you've done something.' Well, I'm not bloody buggering surprised she won't come down! After what... no, it's too painful to even _think_ about it.

What passed as an insulted look flittered across their faces. 'What, do you suspect _us_ of having done something to our ickle brother?' Hell yes.

'Never! We merely told him some home truths, is all.'

_'HOME TRUTHS?_' I couldn't help but burst in, 'You've scarred me mentally for life now, you great bas-'

'Ron! Language!' said Mum in a sharp voice. Harry looked from me to the twins with a suspicious gaze. But before he could say or do anything, Dad stood up.

'Well, I'm off then. Bye kids, Harry. Goodbye Molly.'

'Bye love. Don't come home too late! Now,' continued Mum. 'I'll get started cleaning this mess up.' As soon as she had left the room, Harry pulled me aside and demanded answers.

'What happened yesterday Ron? Ginny told me Hermione's just rolled herself up in duvets and refuses to _move_, let alone come downstairs. Did you do something to her?'

'No!' I protested. 'Why the hell would I do that? It's just some things that Fred and George... er... yeah. Listen, if they ever want to talk to you about... summat, don't let them. Promise me that!' Bemused, Harry slowly nodded.

'O¡Kkay. Why would they want to talk to me?' Poor lad didn't know what he was dealing with. The very forces of Satan! They would... would... _VWOOSH_ him down as soon as they got a whiff of a romance from him and a girl!

'Just promise me Harry that if they ever try to corner you, run. Run far far away, and _never_ look back.'

-

I know, it's bad and not up to par, but it's only me, Ginny-Star writing this. I might send it to Hermione Double1 to tweak up a bit some other time and repost, but I might not. See? At least I did update again!


	10. Buggering Knight in Shining Armour Part ...

Disclaimer- Yeah, yeah. Read previous ones. Pah.

Ginny-Star: Okay, I apologise for the title. Really, I hadn't thought of it that way until this girl here pointed it out to me.

Hermione Double1: Mental images!! MENTAL IMAGES!!! I'M SCARRED, SCARRED FOR LIFE!! Give me Alex Band relief!

Ginny-Star: Sigh. You and your Calling...

Hermione Double1: Hey, they rock. I met him by the way. Yes, you heard right, I met Alex Band!!!!

Okay, well this is Part One of a chapter. It doesn't really have a point, but I'm sure one will come up soon enough. Maybe in Part Two. But for now, bear with us!

****

**Buggering Knight in Shining Armour- Part One**

Harry grinned, obviously imagining the hellish experience Hermione and I had had last night. Oh God, PLEASE let me die! Even the memory of it... NOOOOO!!!

Harry downed his remaining pumpkin juice and said he needed to write to Snuffles, so he went up to my room, with Crookshanks behind him. Mum and Ginny went to wash up, and I sat down. BIG mistake. What the hell made me sit down? Sit down at the same table as Satan personified... twice! Uh-oh, here it comes...

"Well, are you going to go and have, erm, further _discussions _about the birds and the bees?" Fred asked in an undertone.

"NO I BLOODY AM NOT!" I said as quietly as possible in my 'ohmygodshutthehellupandnevermentionitagain' tone.

"Well you need to confront each other some time. Mind you, use protection, though, won't you young Ronald?"

Oh. My. God.

"... de-gnoming can be an extremely risky business, can't it George?" as Mum shot an extremely suspicious look at Fred.

OK, what the hell would you do? Continue being tormented by Sod 1 and Sod 2, or go to your room where your best mate is (Harry, erm, was taking a very long time up there. I strongly suspected he had finished writing to Sirius and was carrying out alternative literary pursuits- I had found my magazine under his bed that morning... ) or see Hermione. None really appealed to be honest, so I just legged it upstairs away from my self-titled Guidance Counsellors, perhaps to visit the ghoul in the loft. He has no friends. Bless.

And... BANG again. Hermione had just stepped out of the bathroom the exact moment I had reached the landing. She fell backwards, and me, Knight in Shining Armour and all that, had to catch her... and again, my wish to die a quick unembarrassing death was back once more.

NOW what do I do??

Thankfully, she spoke first.

"Ron, er..."

"Um... bluh... fffrr... abou' lastn...errr..." Yeah. Smart move Ron. I just thanked my lucky stars that Lucifer and Lucifuss weren't around.

"Um... yeah, thanks." Ok so maybe saving her life was a good thing? "You can let go of my arm now, Ron," Kill me. NOW. DO IT NOW!!!!

Unfortunately, no-one heeded my silent calls for a tragic accident to happen.

"Yes, anyway, about last night... " Shut the hell up Hermione. Just SHUT it! I want to REMOVE that from my memory, and YOU of ALL people _DO NOT HELP_ by reminding me of it! Of course, I do not tell her this. I don't have a death wish (not one to be killed by Hermione- Hermione of all people!)

I have done nothing to deserve this.

"Um, yeah. I don't know what I did in my former life, but whatever it was it must have been bad to have been cursed with those gits." Well. Better than 'bluh', or 'fffrr' at least.

She laughed. Do I really have to use humour as a defence mechanism? Or is that like a good thing?

"I couldn't answer that."

"Make's a change!" Ronald, you retard.

I meant that as a compliment, but it kind of sounded like I was making her out to be a know-it-all. Which I mean, she sort of IS, but that's not the point. She said nothing, obviously debating whether to yell, cry, lecture me about being ignorant to all that intellectual malarkey, or say "Thanks, Ron, you're so sweet." It was a mix of numero uno and numero 3 (I don't know what three is in... whatever language that is).

"Mione, I meant it as a compliment. Please stop yelling, I have Mum to do that for me." Did I honestly say that? Me, Ronald Jerome Terrance Luke Boris Weasley (If only my name was that... ) say that to Hermione... erm... I don't THINK she has a middle name... Granger?? Seriously? Dude, I need a medal. Or maybe a kick in the cod piece, I haven't quite decided yet. I just wish that Ginny or someone would explain to me what girls mean when they say stuff and how you answer them without causing them to go all huffy and mad and wishing to die a long painful death.

Hermione never said anything. She looked mad though, and just buggered off to Ginny's room.

Women. I really don't know what it is with them! Why do they have to be all 'Oh Ron, you're doing it wrong! Levi-o-sar, not Levio-sar!' and ignore the good things, like I'm actually trying it with a crappy old wand? That I'm actually trying it full stop?! God I hate that girl.

Hmm...

Hope she isn't too mad at me.

**_TBC_**

Vwoosh. Part 2 coming up! Oh, remember, our profile is there for your interest on how the chapters are coming.

Ginny-Star- For those of you who have been checking that, you will know I've been keeping you guys updated on the chapters.

Peace,

G-S, HD1


	11. Buggering Knight in Shining Armour Part ...

Ginny-Star: Is there an excuse? I'm afraid not. There comes a time when what once was a gripping part of your life begins to loosen, and gradually you find yourself looking at real life, where it comes in the shape of applications for colleges and asks you the 'where in life do you want to be?' question. And of course, that fabulous film from 1986 which I have only just discovered- Labyrinth. Oh goodness, God bless _that_ funky movie.

**Buggering Knight in Shining Armour- Part Two**

****

Alright then, maybe I'll just go see how Harry's getting on with that letter and _not _wallow in self pity. I mean, there's a time and a place for everything, and frankly I think I should just put all this behind me- look forward to a better future an' all.

Soft murmurings come from my bedroom. Huh… okay, a little weird- It's just Harry who's in the room right? Maybe he's having another dream? Or… or another vision? Cautiously, I step in front of my door and knock.

"Harry?" I said uncertainly- hah! Imagine me uncertain! I'm _never_ uncertain! What sounds suspiciously as **two** shocked gasps emit from the room followed by an unnatural thumping noise that sounds like something falling onto the floor. So, me being… y'know, 'Knight In Shining Armour' again, I threw open the door. Whoops.

On second thought, 'whoops' doesn't even cover it.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Oh Harry, Harry, Harry. Even a memory charm won't help me- ever. You are dead meat, my boy. If I could see myself, I'm sure I'd have this, this, _revolted _and_ disgusted _and _terrified_ look on my face!

Why, you ask. Why am I so sickened? I'll tell you, oh yes I'll tell you right now.

Harry is on the floor, _on top of my sister_. MY sister!

…

I'm having a nightmare! That _must _be it! THAT would explain why… why…

Why Ginny is _sprawled_ across Harry in a none-too innocent way. This must be why I'm appearing like a total idiot, why Fred and George spoke to me about se- s- se- birdsandbees! It's not real, it can't be! Any moment now, I'm gonna find myself in Hogwarts seeing Snape and Trelawney in a very compromising situation as well. Ugh, okay, now THAT isn't too pretty a mental picture either. I can just about feel my breakfast crawling back up again.

I glanced around fearfully, fully expecting the room to melt into the dungeons at school- along with Dumbledore asking me if I want a Cockroach Cluster to go with that mug of blood in my hand. Eurgh, blood.

"Oh my God, Ron! This… um… this isn't what it looks like!"

Oh. It isn't a dream. I pinched myself _just_ to make sure. Ow, okay. Not a dream. But-Harry-and-Ginny-_my sister_-in-bad-position-Big Brother Protection Mode-argh!

"What the _HELL_ is going on here!" I shouted in an unfortunately rather high pitched voice that ended up sounding more like a squeak than a roar. "I can not believe you Harry, this is my _little sister_ you're trying to… to… _sleep_ with!" Ahh, that satisfying drain of all colours in my best mates face almost makes up for that fact that he's lying ON TOP of my SISTER.

Not really.

"RONALD WEASLEY! We-we weren't doing ANYTHING like that!"

I rounded on my sister, practically dragging her from under the pawing lad who claimed to be my friend, and glared at the silly, SILLY girl.

"Weren't doing anything? Weren't doing anything!" I repeated helplessly, my voice doing some fantastic _wobbly_ thing. "That didn't look like you weren't doing anything to me!" Here, I gesture with some sort of vague hand movement I'm sure is meant to explain something rather than looking like some sort of lost sign language for 'flopping dead fish'. Ginny's eye begins to twitch. Am I ever thankful it's the holidays; it means I don't have to suffer the terrifying hexes my darling baby sister can do.

Back on track! Baby sister! Baby! She's _younger_ than Harry! That… the… CAD! He was trying to put the moves on my BABY sister! Heaven help me, all I can see is red. I'm sure if dearest Sybil could see me now, she'd have some sort of little saying for me.

_"Ahh young Weasley, when the stars of Orion coincide with Saturn, the rings of fate will bring forth a visage of young marital bliss. Your young sister will conceive the children of Harry Potter… Harry Potter… Harry Potter… Harry Potter…"_

"**NO!**"

Oops, okay, so I said that aloud did I? Might be why Harry and Ginny are looking at me in a strange way. A feral snarl emits from my mouth as I lunge at Harry. Instantly (damn that boys Seeker skills), he puts his arms up to defend himself as I try to pummel his bloody brains out with my mighty fists of power. What the hell does he think he's doing? He should take his punishment like a man! _He tried to kiss-my-sister-and-more!_

"OW, Ron stop it now you stupid idiot!" he yells at me as he tries to grab my admittedly flailing arms. I can hear Ginny in the background chattering like some rabid squirrel.

"Stop? Stop! I didn't bloody well see you stop when you and Ginny- ARGH!" I can't believe him! He's mean to be my best friend. Score one for me- height advantage! I grab at his neck and just begin to get a good grip when suddenly my arm goes slack.

The reason?

Oh, just that Ginny has grabbed at the hair on the back of my neck.

"AH! OW GINNY, GET OFF ME!" My knees buckle as Harry scrambles out of arms reach and I can see the rabid squirrel at the corner of my vision. Standing on tip toe, she gave me a very menacing look of awesome power before twisting the hair on my neck a little.

I gave out a very unmanly shriek of pain (it hurt, alright? More than you can imagine!).

"Now you listen here Ron Weasley!" She fumed at me with the slightest little wobble in her voice. It was the wobble more than anything that made me quieten down, not that I'm soft when it comes to my sister, you have to realise. "Harry was not doing anything to me, alright? I came in here to _talk_ to him, even if that's so hard a thing for your incompetent little mind to understand! We were NOT doing anything like your dirty mind was thinking, so STOP RUINING MY LIFE!" The little hand that had kept a merciless death grip on my hair abruptly disappeared and as I turned around, the Ginny that was attached the hand had run off into her room, and slammed the door with enough force to make the Burrow sway.

It would be a matter of time before Mum, Dad or the brothers find out about this (no doubt Ginny will have already told Hermione, the little snitch) and I'd rather not have them find me when they do. Maybe if I camp out in the garden, the gnomes will accept me as a part of their freaky little tribe…

Oh god. Oh god, I've just realised. Ginny will tell Hermione. Which means that she'll either be;

a) Amused and laugh at me, which is not good as it will mean she thinks of me as a stupid prat or

b) Annoyed and snub me, which is also not good as it will mean she thinks of me as a stupid prat.

Why can't I win? Just for once, couldn't I get a nice win-win situation?

The slight shuffling behind me brings me back to the messy haired, green eyed cause of all this trouble. Slowly, I turned around looked determinedly at a very interesting spot just behind Harry.

"Er…"

Oh, very nicely put, Harry. Unfortunately, the rules of talking means it's my turn to speak, even if he hardly said anything.

"Ah…"

Ha, I can do it too, you know. Beat you at your own game, Potter!

"We… Ron, we weren't doing anything, honest. G- Ginny just came in to talk to me cause I'd just sent off a letter to Sirius and cheered me up a bit cause I miss Sirius. But," he added hastily, "Not in… _that_ way. She didn't cheer me up like that, it's not what you think, really. She just came in and sat on my bed and- wait, I mean that she came in and we… just… talked…"

Despite myself, I can feel my resolve crumble. Okay, so maybe I wasn't THAT mad at Harry, now I know he wasn't messing with my sister. I can take his word for it… he IS my best friend after all. I shuffle my feet a bit, my eyes now on the floor beneath my feet (oh, pretty pretty floor, you are so good to be there for me to stare at!).

"Well… maybe I might have taken it a bit… wrong. But, you know, it looked very suspicious, what with you on TOP of my sister and all…" I didn't want to fight with him like I did last year. It would be too hard and too painful.

"So, we're alright?"

"Yeah."

There, that wasn't too hard. A few manly claps on shoulders, and we're all set. Dust under the carpet. I suspect, however, that Ginny might not think of it as… dust under the carpet. She'll probably think of it all as dust flying about, threatening to crawl up her nose of something stupid like that.

"Uh… so, is Sirius alright?" I asked with a slightly strained voice. I still can't get over that image of Ginny and Harry like that, no matter what he says.

"Yeah… and I swear nothing happened, Ron, really. On my Firebolt."

He knows me too well. How did he know that I was thinking about it? A small relieved grin slipped on my face.

"Yeah, okay. I don't suppose you were showing my sister _BeWitching__ Witches_ instead, were you?" A snort from Harry and a good natured shove as his face flushed a little.

"Sick, Ron, sick." Haha, bet you didn't think I would know about that magazine under your bed, did you?

And so, in the blessed nature of lads, we were back to normal again. Harry was sitting on the bed watching me try to catch Pig, who had made a little 'present' for me on my pillow, as I scrambled around the room swearing my little mouth blue.

"Stupid little- AH!" Ahh, so THAT'S where my socks had gone to. Well, now I had become reacquainted with them, I'd best put them somewhere where I WON'T slip on them. After cackling like a hippogriff on steroids, Harry looked at me seriously.

"Ron… don't you think you should go apologise to Ginny?"

…

Ha! Funny!

"Are you mad, Harry? She'd probably make an obscene threat about my… er… man hood and warn me she'd serve it me on a silver platter!"

"Well, yeah but Ginny's a _girl_. Go on, she looked really upset when you were swinging your hairy arms at me like that, and you'll probably get worse off your Mum if you don't."

Silence as I contemplated that. As always, Harry had a point. I sighed.

"I guess. Alright, I'll go now. And my arms are NOT hairy." I added as I stepped out of the room.

"Sure they aren't." He replied with a smirk before holding out his arm for Pig who landed there with an insanely happy hoot. Bloody birds.

Walking to Ginny's room, I thought over the best way to apologise.

'So sorry Gin, but I thought that my best mate was trying to get into your robes?' She'd probably slap me for that, if Hermione didn't.

'I hope you're happy, I need therapy now.' Oh sure, THAT'S the way to go innit? Ron you retard.

Standing outside her door, I raised my hand to knock on the wood when suddenly, I realised I could hear Ginny and Hermione speaking in the room quite clearly. Oooh, should I or shouldn't I? Okay, so what was I here to do again? Who cares?

A slow grin worked its way up to my mouth.

This should be fun.


	12. “He’s just a selfish, retarded WORM!”

_Ha ha, look at that! Wasn't so long was it? Least, not as long as the other chapters were, ey? _

_Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter._

_Ginny-Star: See? A nice quick update._

_Hermione Double1: Not that bad was it? _

****

**"He's just a selfish, retarded- WORM!"**

Ah, Ron you genius. Blackmail! That's the way to go! Anything cane be resolved with a little blackmail- I know too well. Look at what Fred and George have done to me. They've permanently stunted my emotional growth. More soft murmurings from inside. I lean closer, catching the end of Hermione's sentence.

"…I know, I know." Tuh, she always knows. Everything, she'll know about. Ginny's voice replies to her, a slight hiccoughing note to it that implies she's been crying. Aww, why did she go and do that for? That bloody little feeling of guilt tries to claw its way out of my gut in the form of a very pathetic little 'I'm so sorry', but I managed to force it back down.

"But how could he think that? Why on earth would he think that? And w-we were just starting to connect, just talking to each other- why the hell was he coming in a-anyways?" Uh, it's MY room, Gin. Like it or not, I have to go in there sometime in my life! Stupid women.

"Oh, shh, it's okay Ginny. Your brother is a rather annoying prat!" huffs the lovely 'Mione. Isn't she a darling? Telling all and sundry the negative points of me… "But… don't you think that maybe you would have done the same thing if you saw him with… ah… someone?" HA! Score one for me!

"Hardly! I w-would have just scrambled back out a-and hope that one day the awful image in my brain would go away." Wha? What she on about? I'm such a good looking bloke, why on earth would that revolt her? What does she know anyway?

"Oh Ginny, I'm sure he was just being protective of you," a short snort from the ever elegant little Ginny, "Even if he did do it the most insensitive, foolish way possible." Excuse me! I am not an 'insensitive, foolish' lad! I happen to be a very loyal, brave and daring Gryffindor! We do not understand, or want to know those blasphemy words that you've just spoken, little Madam Granger!

"Herm, please don't stick up for him, it wasn't him who was just completely embarrassed in front of the person he has completely fallen for but was up till just then in a state of denial about." Even if you do like Harry, it does not give him the right to- oh yeah, we'd decided that wasn't how things were, didn't we? Damn. Well, it still doesn't give her the right to hug him. He's a lad after all; we get the wrong idea about things don't we?

"Well…"

"He's just a selfish, retarded- WORM!" YOU WHAT? That little conniving, spoilt little WITCH! I stand up for her and that's the gratitude I get? Thanks a lot Ginny! Last time I go around looking out for your welfare! What is WRONG with her? I had half a mind to knock down the door when the softest little sobs emitted, fizzing out my little fuse.

"Hmm. Oh, please don't cry again Ginny, there, there. You want some chocolate? I can go down and get some if you like." Uh-oh. Dearest Hermiones voice sounds a little too close (Oh, duh, she's walking towards the door. Git Ronald strikes again!).

"P- please."

The door opened and Hermione looked up at my fantastically built form with awe.

Okay, maybe not so much fantastically built as a little gangly.

And maybe not so much awe as 'you make me sick Ron, sick, sick, SICK'.

Hurriedly, she closed the door and pushed me a little way down the hallway so that Ginny doesn't hear us bicker, which I'm sure will happen fairly soon. Maybe if I try to make conversation…

"Er… uhm, is-"

"Don't you even _dare_ say a word, Ronald Weasley. I think you've just about put your foot into everything today, and now your sister is in the room crying her eyes out!"

Uh…well…

"But… see, I didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean to? Didn't mean to make her utterly embarrassed and feel like her life is over? Well done Ron, you just have." Dammit woman, stop standing on my sentences!

"Now wait just here, Hermione-"

"No! I'm not about to get into an argument with you, right here Ron." And with that, Miss Granger turns around, hitting me in the neck (my face is too high up to be hit) with her bushy brown hair as she huffed her little way down the stairs. Let's go see Harry! Yeah! He won't try to whip me to death with coils of brown hair (pretty pretty hair… _NO!_)

"How'd it go mate?"

"… Well… not good."

"What d'you mean?" Don't look at me like that Harry, it wasn't my fault!

"I didn't exactly apologise. They were talking very loudly, and I couldn't help but overhear things they said when standing at the door. Hermione is mad at me, so is Ginny. I have a feeling that for the rest of the summer, they won't be speaking to me." I paused for Great Effect. "And will be speaking _about _me."

"God… is it that bad?" asked an aghast Potter.

"Yeah."

"Maybe I should go and talk to Ginny about it?" Much as I believe you mate, you're still not gonna be hangin with my sister for a while.

"I dunno mate. She seemed really upset. Probably best to leave girl talk to girls."

"I suppose. So, what d'you plan on doing today?"

"Bit of Quidditch? Oh no, we can't now Ginny's mad at me can we? Erm… don't really know then."

"Don't suppose your Dad's got a TV round here, has he?"

"Them boxes that have people in them? Yeah… but you'll find that it looks like it's insides have exploded." Muggles are weird. Why would you want a box with people in them? It's people cruelty! Where did they get people that small anyway?

"Pity."

"Ron, come downstairs! I want the garden degnoming!" Oh _mum_! Not the gnomes, anything but the gnomes… why can't they just leave me alone? Stupid knee high ugly buggers… Ahh. I've just figured out the secret to muggle boxes. Gnomes!

"Oh god, not again! Them bloody gnomes should just shove off…"

"Here, I'll come help you." Aww, good on ya Harry! Best be all hosty about it though at first…

"Nah, don't have to if you don't want." Do it Harry, do it! Save me from them gnomes! If you don't I shall rip off both your knee caps and serve them to Fred.

"Nowt much else to really do is there?" Thank god!

"Suppose."

For the next fifteen minutes, Harry and I wasted a good portion of our lives fighting with the midgets from hell. All of the cackling insanely and bobbing up and down in the poppies. Right queer lot, aren't they? Mad.

"OW! The bugger just kicked me in me shin!"

"Quick get it!" hollered Harry. Throwing my arm behind me to where Harry was pointing, I grabbed a particularly smelly gnome and tossed it over the wall.

"HA! Take that you little-"

"Quick, that one's trying to make a dive for it!" What's this, why am I doing all the work here? Summat's not quite right here…

"Got it!" I yell anyway.

"They don't half like this garden do they?"

"Mum's fault. She keeps a nice, magical garden. Means that nice, magical gnomes come to stay for a cup of bleeding tea."

"Heh, if only Aunt Petunia could see these now… she'd freak and toss out all the plastic gnomes on her garden." A sudden image of the ugly woman that Harry has for an aunt is conjured up in my mind, chucking out frozen gnomes from her garden. Interesting.

"Muggles. Insane the lot of them- why plastic?"

_A few days later…_

"Ron, it's been three days. Can you please just go to Ginny and apologise to her?" What? Why? No! I don't need to apologise for owt!

"What the bloody hell for!"

"… Just do it! Least then we'll get peace round here!" Not my fault they do all this… girl thing, with the look and the stare thingy and the cold mabob. "And while you're at it, apologise to Hermione too."

"What! Why Hermione too?" Don't make me, Harry. Please. I don't want to… see her snub me.

"Well… cause she's a girl. And girls like to share anger. So if Ginny's mad at you, then Hermione is too." Since when did Harry become little know-it-all on the opposite sex? Just like Ginny when she was talking about… no! No connections or links to be made about them too. It's wrong. She can just gaze lovingly at him from afar, that I don't mind.

"That's just stupid!" I spluttered. And it is! Plain stupid!

"Well… yeah… but-"

"Yeah yeah, _she's a girl_." I sighed, my head in my hands. "They're mad, the lot of them Harry, mad."

"I know, Ron, I know. Gonna go apologise now? For real, and not listen in on their conversations?"

"Do I have to?" I whined. Maybe if I add my pitiful 'I've just encountered a spider' look on it'll help.

Oop, ok, maybe not. He's just looked at me in the 'You Nut' way.

"Ye-es." Ah well. I tried. Still not gonna do it without any payoff though, so last resort!

"Can I have a ride on your Firebolt?"

"Sure."

"You strike a hard bargain, Mr Potter." He laughed at me, and punched me on the arm in a friendly sort of way.

"Likewise, Weasley, likewise."


	13. End

Ginny-Star here. If you'd like the check out the profile, you'll see that yes, we're no longer updating this story- sorry! But here is the rough ending that would have been finished and put up if the story had been complete. But seriously, what with Half Blood Prince, our dreams of these pairings are really almost there now anyway. But yes, for more info, just go to our profile.

As an afterthought, I've always said that a fanfic isn't ever truly an awesome fanfic until someone has flamed it. I believe we've got that, so hooray! Anyway, italics in side the dashes are the parts which would have been filled in but never did. Love you all.

* * *

-_Fred and George, in a game of Truth or Dare, or maybe Harry in the pretence of having a secret letter enticed them into a cupboard and then scampered out and locked the door. Hahaha! Only, it' isn't so much 'hahaha' for them, but more like 'omigodwhatthefeckohno'.-_

I don't _believe _it! Thick and Thicko have just… just…

Locked me and Hermione together in the cupboard. I swear, when I get out here, I'll KILL THEM! Chop 'em up, bury them in different parts of the garden- Mum'll never need to know.

"**FRED! GEORGE! **Let me out of here right now, you BAS-"

-Hermione/Ron fight, arguing the way they normally do. The dark and cramped conditions are getting to Hermione, she doesn't like it, perhaps she claustrophobic? Bursts into tears. What's a Ron to do? Pat on the back, a little awkward.-

"Look, 'Mione… I didn't mean any of it, _honest_."

_-Muffled response from Hermione, slightly reassured, looks up, watery eyes. Ron feels a little uncomfortable with the situation, and shuffles (as much as he can) and starts to babble slightly. Hermione laughs lightly maybe, and mentions something along the lines that Krum did that when he asked her to the Ball. _

_Uh-oh, she mentioned Krum! __Whoops, Ron's just snidely mentioned Viktor Krum again, it's like he's in love with him or something.-_

"I'm NOT in love with Vicky!" I said angrily.

"Then what!" she shouted back at me, inches away from my face. "What is your problem Ron? Every single time, I've had to tiptoe around the subject-"

That was it. I couldn't take it any more, if she said one more work about how brave and bold he is-

"I'm not in any relationship with him, Ronald Weasley, because I'm in love with YOU!"

…

_-Hermione claps hands to mouth, wide-eyed and shocked she said that, she freezes, Ron freezes, the whole bloody damn world freezes. For a single moment, it isn't anyone but the two of them, locked in a dark, slightly smelly and damp cupboard and neither of them cares.-_

"W-what?" Oh, my voice chose the _perfect_ moment to crack. Jolly good, old chap.

-_Confession time, Hermione rambles on and on, until Ron does the only thing he can think of to shut her up and kisses her, only in typical Weasley fashion the cliché is saved by the door opening just as the going gets interesting and Hermione and Ron tumble out to fall at the feet of Molly. Tense moments until, Molly begins smiling and weeping with joy._-

"Oh- I just can't b-believe it, my dear I'm terribly sorry for this- oh it's just what I've always wanted!"

Good old Mum, can always trust her. Never an unpredictable one, that one.

-_A mini celebration, conducted by the good Gred and Forge. Turns out the date changing thing mentioned by Harry early on was part of an ongoing bet made by the lot on what date Hermione and Ron would get together. And…_

_ArthurWeasely won! He wins… several electrical plugs, a few batteries and the promise of several individuals to help him out with work or something. Soon, whilst Hermione and Ron are having a good old hand-holding (yes, it's very mild, but it's sweet and childfriendly) that electrifies Ronny-boy; they decide to lock Harry and Ginny in the cupboard. It's high time, THEY sorted out their 'tension' too.-_

So, this is it, innit? Me and Hermione. Hermione and me.

Hermione, my girlfriend. _My_ Hermione. Oh God, if I could go and tell my past self that I'd be going out with Hermione, I'd probably punch me on the nose for faffing about like that, and then I'd kill me for pretending to be me as I wouldn't know I was really me…

Anyway.

I suppose that maybe things are gonna be a bit different now for our last year. We won't just be mates anymore- we get to do stuff normal mates don't- but nothing like that! Not yet anyway… and not without the consent of 'Mione either. I know that. But, we'll still be good mates right? You know, tease each other, joke around and stuff? We won't stop being good mates just cause we're going out with each other right?

Gaaah, it's like she's reading my mind. 'Miones just squeezed my hand (I still can't get over it, she's holding my hand. Mine!). It's like she knows I'm thinking too much (oh, there's a change Ron) and that I shouldn't think about it anymore. God, I love her.

You know, tradition in Hogwarts has been that the Head Girl and Boy generally date each other. It's a bit odd, innit, that practically every single year, the two 'Heads' have gone out with each other and made a right decent pair too.

Well…

Who am I to break tradition?

_Mischief managed._


End file.
